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The Gottman Institute has published guidance for parents on helping teenagers handle pressure from friends, using the example of a ride offered by an unlicensed driver. Its five approaches include discussing specific behavior, practicing how to refuse, listening when teens share what happened and supporting other friendships. The article is practical guidance, not a report of a new study or a specific incident.
The Gottman Institute has published guidance for parents on helping teenagers resist pressure from friends, focusing on situations such as accepting a ride from an unlicensed driver. The article recommends addressing the safety risk while also understanding what a teenager may fear losing by refusing: approval, belonging or future invitations.
The report proposes five approaches: talk about the specific behavior that concerns a parent; ask what it might cost a teen socially to say no; rehearse responses to pressure; listen before reacting if a teen describes a risky choice; and help the teen build other friendships. Its central distinction is between objecting to an unsafe action and demanding that a teenager reject a friend as a person.
For example, a parent can set a clear boundary that a teenager should not ride with someone who is not licensed, while asking what the teen likes about the friendship and how the friend responds to disagreement. The article suggests practicing language the teenager might actually use, such as, “No, I’m not getting in,” and planning how to leave and get home safely, including whom to call.
If a teenager later admits getting into the car, the report advises hearing the account before deciding how to respond. A parent can appreciate the honesty and acknowledge fear of exclusion while still addressing the decision. The article also recommends helping teens pursue activities and relationships beyond the friendship that is causing concern.
Making Refusal Safer for Teens
The guidance treats peer pressure as a relationship problem as well as a safety issue. A teenager may understand a rule and still find it difficult to follow when refusing could bring ridicule or exclusion. Recognizing that social cost can help parents prepare for the actual moment of pressure, rather than relying on a rule alone.
The proposed strategies also connect immediate decisions with trust and communication at home. If teens can tell parents what happened without expecting an instant reprimand, parents may hear more about their activities and have a chance to discuss risks. Encouraging additional friendships can give a teenager more options if one relationship repeatedly involves pressure.
The article does not claim that these conversations will prevent every risky choice. Its practical value is in offering parents ways to set limits, keep communication open and rehearse safer alternatives before a difficult situation arises.
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Research Cited on Peer Influence
The Gottman Institute article supports its advice with studies of adolescent behavior and parent-teen communication. It describes research by psychologist Thomas Dishion and colleagues involving 186 boys aged 13 to 14 and their friends. In that study, a pattern of rule-breaking talk followed by laughter predicted increased self-reported rule-breaking over the next two years. The researchers called the pattern “deviancy training.” The source presents it as one way peer influence can operate, not as proof that every friendship involving joking or rule-breaking leads to later behavior.
The article also cites work by Laurence Steinberg and Kathryn Monahan involving more than 3,600 people. It says self-reported resistance to peer influence increased particularly between ages 14 and 18. That finding is used to explain why practicing responses may help while teenagers are still developing independence from friends’ choices.
For communication, the report refers to a study of 703 Swedish 14-year-olds and their parents by Håkan Stattin and Margaret Kerr. The article says parents learned about teens’ activities mainly through what the teenagers voluntarily told them. Together, these studies inform the report’s emphasis on concrete discussion and listening, though the source does not present them as tests of the five recommendations themselves.
““You cannot ride with someone who isn’t licensed.””
— The Gottman Institute article
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Limits of the Guidance
The source is a parenting advice article, not a report about a particular teen, accident or policy change. It does not provide a publication date in the supplied material, and it does not report whether the five approaches were evaluated together in a controlled study or how effective they are for different families.
The cited research also has defined samples and measures: one study involved boys aged 13 to 14, another relied on self-reported resistance to peer influence, and the Swedish study examined 14-year-olds and their parents. The article does not establish that every teenager responds to peer pressure in the same way. Its examples offer discussion tools, not a guarantee that a teenager will refuse an unsafe ride.
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Applying the Advice at Home
The article suggests parents begin with a specific concern and a calm conversation: what friends are encouraging, what makes refusal difficult and what the teenager could do instead. Families can then practice a refusal and agree on an exit plan, including a trusted person the teen can call for transport.
Parents can also support activities that help teenagers meet other people and maintain an open response if a teen reports a mistake. The Gottman Institute points readers to its Gottman Parenting: Teen Success resource for additional support. The source does not announce a follow-up study or further publication tied to this article.
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Key Questions
What is the Gottman Institute recommending?
It recommends discussing the behavior that worries a parent, asking what makes refusal socially difficult, practicing responses, listening when teens disclose what happened and supporting other friendships.
What example of peer pressure does the article use?
The article describes a teenager being offered a ride by a friend who does not have a license. It advises parents to be clear about the safety boundary while also discussing the teen’s concerns about exclusion or ridicule.
Does the article say these steps will stop teens from taking risks?
No. The source offers practical conversation and planning strategies but does not claim they will prevent every risky decision or guarantee a particular outcome.
Which research does the article cite?
It cites studies on rule-breaking talk among 186 boys aged 13 to 14, self-reported resistance to peer influence among more than 3,600 people, and parent-teen communication involving 703 Swedish 14-year-olds and their parents.
Source: rss
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