TL;DR
Many new mothers experience profound loneliness that support networks can’t fix, including a sense of being ‘forgotten as a person.’ A Finnish study categorizes this into social, emotional, and existential loneliness, revealing the complex emotional landscape of motherhood.
A Finnish study published this year confirms that many new mothers experience a form of loneliness that cannot be alleviated by social support alone, including feelings of being ‘forgotten as a person’ and disconnected from their own identity.
The study, published in the International Journal of Qualitative Studies on Health and Well-being, identifies three types of loneliness in motherhood: social, emotional, and existential. Social loneliness involves the feeling that others’ lives are moving on without you, while emotional loneliness is feeling alone despite being surrounded by loved ones. The most complex, existential loneliness, describes feelings of being ‘invisible’ or ‘reduced’ to a role, such as a feeding machine, and feeling disconnected from one’s sense of self.
Researchers from Finland highlight that this existential loneliness is often unaddressed by traditional postpartum support and medical screenings, which tend to focus on clinical depression. The phenomenon is linked to the process of matrescence, the identity transformation of becoming a mother, which can leave women feeling unfamiliar to themselves, even with ample external support. Experts like Victoria Trinko and Julia Sarewitz from Columbia University’s Seed Mother program emphasize that this experience is more about the mother’s internal relationship with herself than external circumstances.
Why It Matters
This recognition of different types of loneliness matters because it shifts the understanding of postpartum struggles beyond clinical depression, acknowledging the complex emotional and identity-related challenges mothers face. It underscores the need for more nuanced support systems that address internal disconnection and identity loss, not just external or symptomatic issues. Failing to recognize this can leave many mothers feeling unseen and misunderstood, impacting their mental health and well-being.
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Background
The concept of maternal loneliness has been discussed in psychological and social research, but recent studies from Finland and initiatives like Seed Mother are emphasizing its multidimensional nature. Historically, postpartum care has primarily focused on physical health and depression screening, often overlooking the broader emotional and existential experiences. The idea of matrescence as a transformative process is gaining recognition, highlighting that motherhood involves ongoing identity shifts that can trigger complex feelings long after the initial postpartum period.
“Many mothers describe feeling confused, disoriented, overlooked, not seen, invisible, unacknowledged, underappreciated, numb, resentful. They often say: ‘I don’t feel like myself,’ or ‘I don’t feel like I matter anymore,’ or ‘Why didn’t anyone tell me it would feel like this?’”
— Victoria Trinko
“Many mothers grieve who they were before, their identity, independence, lifestyle, or sense of control. This grief coexists with love, joy, and meaning, but it is often unrecognized because our culture isn’t equipped to hold two opposing truths at once.”
— Julia Sarewitz
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What Remains Unclear
It is not yet clear how widespread these experiences are across different cultures or demographic groups, or how best to integrate this understanding into clinical practice and postpartum care.
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What’s Next
Researchers and support organizations are likely to develop more tailored interventions that acknowledge these types of loneliness, including new screening tools and support programs. Further studies are expected to explore how these experiences evolve over time and across diverse populations.
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Key Questions
What is existential loneliness in motherhood?
Existential loneliness refers to feelings of being ‘forgotten as a person,’ ‘invisible,’ or ‘reduced’ to a role, which stem from a disconnection from one’s sense of self during motherhood.
Why can’t support networks always help with this loneliness?
Because this type of loneliness is more about a mother’s internal relationship with herself, external support like social visits or help with chores may not address the core emotional and identity issues.
How does this understanding change postpartum care?
It encourages healthcare providers to recognize and address the broader emotional and identity-related struggles mothers face, beyond clinical depression, fostering more nuanced support strategies.
Is this experience common?
While the Finnish study highlights these experiences, further research is needed to determine how widespread they are across different populations and cultural contexts.
